Last week, I got asked by another father, “How do I grow grit and perseverance in my kid?” It’s not an easy answer, but I’m sure that if you’re like me, the other father, or other parents who have posed the question, we want our kids to have “the will to persevere to accomplish their long term goals,” whatever they may be. For both kids and adults, I believe that a person’s grit is built upon six components: a purpose, a goal, perseverance, resilience, courage to deal with the fear of failure, and motivation. Using the six parts of the grit process, whether you are a teenager or an adult, makes it easier to accomplish your long term goals.

But even with a road map to build grit, sometimes it is challenging, especially when it is your own child.

The Challenge of Camp

This summer, my daughter attended an intensive ballet program in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania for four weeks. The dancers stayed in the dorms of Drexel University, took the subway across town to the studio, and danced for six hours a day, six days a week. Over 60 ballet dancers from across the country attended the camp.

For my daughter, the first week away at camp in a big city was rough — she was a year younger than everyone who was staying in the dorms, she didn’t make friends right away, living in Philadelphia was a bit more challenging than Columbus, Georgia, and the dancing was harder and longer than what she was used to. There was a lot of adversity to overcome. There were lots of calls and texts back and forth about how miserable she was.

She had her purpose — to improve her dancing and make new friends. She had a goal of getting better as a dancer firmly in place. But the adversity of being in a big city, being pushed as a dancer, and struggling to make friends was overwhelming. Her Mom and I tried lots of tactics to try to get her to take one day at a time and persevere. Nothing seemed to work — listening to her complaints, sharing similar experiences, talking about taking one day at a time, and explaining that it wasn’t worth it to worry about the other dancers. We tried everything. Nothing seemed to work. The texts and phone calls eventually got to a point where I started looking at potential flights in case I had to go pick her up and bring her back to Georgia.

It was a rough first week.

What Would Taylor Swift Do?

At wit’s end, her Mom asked her, “What would Taylor Swift do if she was at the Philadelphia Intensive and having a rough time?”

My daughter answered, “Well, she would dust herself off, and write an amazing song about it.” Recognizing that Taylor Swift, international singer, songwriter, and pop star, who had overcome her share of adversity and demonstrated grit to become one of the best selling musicians of all time, clicked with my daughter. The light bulb went on. Suddenly there was a hero to pattern herself on and use the songs and experience of Taylor Swift as an example to overcome adversity and embrace the experience.

What Would Taylor Swift Do (WWTSD) was powerful.

WWTSD is a great example of using external motivation to fuel your grit. Extrinsic, or external, motivation is motivation to participate in an activity based on garnering praise and approval, winning a competition, or receiving an award or payment. For most of us, some part of working at a job is driven by the desire to get a paycheck, an external goal. Using a hero to motivate you or inspire you is another facet of extrinsic motivation. We try to copy the actions of the hero or celebrity as a way to gain some of the success that the other person acheived.

WWTSD turned things around for our daughter. We eventually started trading Taylor Swift songs daily to inspire her. Eventually, my daughter’s theme song for the Philadelphia Ballet program became Taylor’s “This is Me Trying” from the 2020 album, Folklore. The chorus goes:

I just wanted you to know
That this is me trying
I just wanted you to know
That this is me trying

The song is appropriate, right?

WWTSD is powerful. I’m proud to say that she did the entire four weeks of camp, made a great group of friends from across the country, developed new dancing skills, and learned and grew as a person. And she developed a little bit of grit, too.

After my daughter got back to Georgia, I discovered that Savannah Burrows, a country and western singer, has a song called What Would Taylor Swift Do? And there are shirts and mugs on Etsy that have the same slogan. So next time you or your child is faced with a tough situation, ask them WWTSD?

Conclusion

Want even more? Reach out to me me here for a talk or executive coaching on how to develop your grit or leadership skills.

I published a book last summer on how to develop your perseverance and accomplish your goals — Grow Your Grit, available for sale at Amazon or check out TFCG’s keynote presentation on Growing Your Grit.

Go on the offensive and the next time you are faced with adversity — think to yourself “What Would Taylor Swift Do?”